Yes, that's exactly what I hope for - being with a woman who will see a man in me and encourage me to become stronger and more active might create new wiring and the old wiring might die off. If not - no big deal, bisexuality is OK too - I just want to be capable of living with a person with whom I can share common interests, support each other and have some romance.

Thinking about the other possibility - relationships with a much older man - makes me worried. Even if I somehow managed to find such a person (which I highly doubt), I just can't imagine how it might work out. We would come from different generations, I'm a modern IT nerd, I like technical gadgets, poprock, modern philosophy, psychology, but he, most probably, might be more into politics, economics, history, country music or opera (typical for most men at that age). I'm not sure that sexual attraction alone would be enough and if he would agree to play the role of my "sexual daddy" forever.

After reading that book about neuroplasticity I have a theory. Maybe that's nothing, but I'd be eager to find some evidence to prove if I'm right or not.

In the book they described a person who has lost his arm and he was feeling continuous itch in his phantom arm, and he couldn't do anything to stop the itch. But the doctor found out that his neurons for the lost arm have been wired together with his face neurons! And then this man finally was able to get rid of the itch when scratching a specific point on his face.

So, where does this leads us? I'm sure you might have already guessed, but here it is - for some reason the neurons which are responsible for my childhood craving for fatherly protection have merged with the sexual zone, and so now they fire together. And, judging from psychotherapy studies, this is common for homosexual males, and so we can think that the default brain wiring responsible for emotional relations with a father is close to the sexual wiring, therefore there is a high risk for them to merge.

Of course, I have no any evidence to support this idea. It would be great to do an EEG study on heterosexual and homosexual males to compare which neurons are triggered when they think about fathers (both real and imagined, idealized figures) and about their sexual attractions. I really hope that someone with enough resources might notice this idea and do the actual study. I'm not an expert, but this doesn't sound too complicated to me, maybe even a novice Ph.D. could do it. If only the "homosexual treatment" wouldn't be somewhat tabu topic lately...

Anyway, in my case I'm 99% sure, my current sexuality has been caused by unhealthy childhood relationships with parents, combined with low self esteem, which in turn was caused by my congenital health issues, being bullied at school etc. I can't say it for all homosexuals out there, but I think it is obvious that I can't call my current situation normal and "as intended by nature", therefore the term "treatment" might sound reasonable in my case.