Yes, I want to understand too so I can function better in my life. I'm starting to realist the extent to which I've been mainly firefighting through my life to date but now I want to be more intentional. Act rather than react etc.

I'm sorry you have to present yourself to lawyer and disability practitioners, that sounds exhausting! It sounds as though youve been through an ordeal so I'm glad you have a few areas in your life now which are supportive of you.

The cold water is one of the better grounding ideas, I absolutely agree. I often feel better using that when I remember to use it. I need a note pad of skills to use and for which bit of me. I'm suppose to be working that out in therapy but the process is so long especially when I get overwhelmed and it takes us another 2 sessions to get back on track with it all. And it doesn't have any structure to the sessions so I get confused. I was thinking to maybe go in and organise it, but then I don't know if that fits with it all.. especially as there is a difference between knowing and being able to accept and then do.

But I am still looking for skills/ideas to keep stability, not just those that get me back to myself. I want to not shift as rapidly if I get upset. I've had 9-5 jobs and managed to be almost full time and I think it did help but I was more fragmented then and could easily hurt myself in a lunch hour then go back smiling into work. I find that a lot harder now as there is more spillage. But I continue to assume a routine and structure helps... I'm actually unsure how to manage that though. It makes me alittle anxious too, no idea why... I like to organise, I like routine, I like things that dont change...I guess I'm worried already that this.may not work, silly really. I want some advice that will make this a bit easier, just even a little.