I feel in major trouble. I'm scared.

The group therapist said today that I've created a world so full of magical thibking and rules that make no sense that control how i act that it's like i have a hard time understanding how things work outside my head and in reality. We were disagreeing about whether it's morally okay for me to do what i want to my own body.

He says im living in a made up world and I don't see things in reality. I know I'm sad and destructuve but never thought of myself as out of touch with reality if i go this far. They'll probably eveb refuse to see me for psychiatry because im not trying hard enough to get better.

I'm obsessing about hurting myself really badly. At what point does this become warped thinking i stead of normal SH? My head hurtS because I don' want to let everyone down. I don't want all my support will leave but I think they will. It makes me sad and scared. I don't want them to think I don't appreciate the help & suppport they give me but i have SUCH A STRONG URGE/obsession.

I don't know... Rambling. I feel unwell and in trouble.