Hi Lunafay, Like The Skeezyks, I cannot comment on your ECT as it was suggested me me and I also declined.

All I can say as a mum who has raised 2 now adult children pretty much on my own, my children have always been my protective factors as I always just instinctively knew that no matter how low I feel, they need me and providing the necessities for them have always made me push myself through whatever terrible condition I really wanted to give in to. My dogs have been like a secondary protective factor as I know on the most basic level that they rely on me for nourishment, water, shelter and love. As with my children they have helped me to push through.

All I can say is that it has been sheer will. There were days when my children were young but at school when I literally had to force myself out of the bed and step by step force myself to get them ready for school with a good breakfast and packed lunch, then get myself ready to get them to school and me to work. Sheer bloody will, day after day - all the while smiling and laughing and asking them questions and "being happy" for their sake.

I don't know what I can say that will make it easier other than you are not alone and there are those who really know what you are experiencing. Sometimes we have to lie to ourselves as much as to the people we love, just to get through the day moment by moment. It is the most arduous task that could be asked of anyone.

My thoughts are with you, willing you on and I am sorry that you are dealing with all of these things all at the same time - it must feel very overwhelming but what I do know is that it ebbs and flows and we can find ways to get through if that's what it takes to just get to a point where you can take a breath.