bit nervous...

I think it is going to take a bit of time for us to connect. t had just started offering interpretations (some of which were helpful) and then i kind of slammed him a little and so now i guess he is feeling a little unsure of himself

:-(

I have a good book that i need to take notes on as i read. so i'm going to aim to get up early and go sit in cafe's in civic before going in to see him. then i have a seminar afterwards. nice... getting into work... feeling okay about it... weather is warming up some... i'm doing alright.

but then there is therapy. don't know how it is going to go. we will see, i guess.

maybe... i'm not well enough to do the hard stuff. maybe... i just need him to be reflective / validating so i can figure out what some of the hard stuff is that is relevant in my life.

i'm not sure that either of us know what we are up to anymore. but i guess... well... i guess i do have views on what i would like. because therapy (for me) has always been about my trying to shape them...

i guess... i'd really like to do free association. or something like that. i heard that often it takes 2 years or even 4 years before interpretations can be tolerated. i feel like... he has been circumventing that by pushing me... we will see how well he does at not pushing, i guess. not pushing and (the crucial thing really) figuring out what is going on with stuff i want to talk about. rather than my talking about the stuff that HE feels safe with (ie abuse).

dunno... we will see...