Thanks guys. I've gone as far leaving as going to see a mediator to get a common-law separation agreement in order. But I bailed on it... I do honestly want to believe he's a good person. He seems like it and I see it but I dunno, I feel a constant sadness that just rains on us all day. I have moments where it seems like it's okay but then I get tired from work and frustrated with the state of our home and it all just seems to affect me then and my instinct is to run.

Financially I'm stuck here for now and it's always the waiting game that gets me. Waiting to have enough money or waiting to find a place to live takes longer than for my mind to change. Idk. I knew this before that being around makes me influenced to him and being away from him makes me influenced away. It's a weird feeling but I'm so highly aware of it even though I can't seem to control it. Maybe it's because I never get any time alone unless I'm in the bathroom..