Your mother sounds so much like mine ! Ugh! I can sooooo relate😣..
Truthfully what I did was just detach from my mother and father! And took responsibility for myself and mental well-being. I know my folks love me but they don't have the skills to help me right now..
I noticed whenever I got off the phone with either if them I felt worse than when i started. 😕... So now I only call them or see them on my good days. And for short amounts of time.
I definitely have some unresolved issues with them. But one thing at a time.
I will say I feel so much better with the added distance and surprisingly it helped my relationship with them ... Go figure! 😄