years ago I worked a full time job and one, two and sometimes three part times jobs at the same time just so I didn't have time to be alone with my thoughts. the jobs gave me something to focus on. something to quite my mind. i got laid off and quickly lost my part time jobs. i didn't care. i ended up retiring and also received some uib because it was a forced retirement. with in five months my home had been hit by a hurricane and my renters were out. it took a year to repair my home but i had fallen back on my mtg payments and could recover. this all happened in 2012. the bank is finally making an effort to foreclose on my home. i don't know how much it will cost for a lawyer and i don't know what my options are. in this four year period i have lost many good friends to sickness. three days a friend died in his sleep and another daughter killed herself over the break up with a guy who was a **** bag. my son almost died in a car crash in july and is still going through physical therapy. during that time I was on auto piolet. He is bi polar and stopped taking his meds two weeks ago. I understand why he didn't want to take them. the side effects are debilitating and permanent. He so far dodged the side effects. while this is going on I am trying to manage my sanity and I don't know if I am winning. I was so close to leaving and hiding out were no on knows me. I just wanted it all to stop. I still want to isolate but far away. I will wait for my son to get back into the world and maybe someday i will just be on my way. without my jobs or something to occupy my mind i hear all the conversation the confusion the disagreement and it freezes me into doing nothing. i don't want to live my life doing nothing.