i dont want to do it anymore. i dont want to keep trying to be bothered to keep taking the stupid meds i am never going to get what i want anyway it isnt possible everyone keeps saying you are young you have time only i dont not much they just dont know. i am so tired i cant sleep i want to scream and bang my head on a wall everything hurts so much and it is so hard to move the pulling dragging feeling is back and i know it is just swallowing me whole again so it can throw me against the ground again and again and again and laugh at me when it hurts to much to keep screaming. it hurts but why do i feel like it is right like i need to go with it? i dont know anymore.