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Hi jpb4815,
Please don't beat yourself up & it's not stupid, it's addiction. No matter how long we've been clean/sober we can be tempted in times of high stress, and this sounds like a very stressful time for you.
Do you have a safe friend, someone who knows you're in recovery, who you could ask to come with you to your place, to help you get rid of it?
Stay strong.
splitimage
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"I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn.
"If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba
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