Veda typing here..

^ That. Oh that made my afternoon. To say that I relate is an understatement.

Pardon me now while I post jump and try to be coherent at the same time...

^ Those words could have been written by (at least) two members of the previous group of 'us' who were largely responsible for life. They would also describe their film watching experience as one where someone took their life reel, chopped it up, tossed out some segments, then taped it back together in a haphazard non-linear way and hit the play button and had the ability to mess up the speed.

^ A few months ago I lost some time, made my way to the kitchen to get a sandwich and half of my kitchen was painted red. Now and then I say, "Psychosis does not paint my kitchen red; Charlotte does." Granted, not all things are so easy to discern. That's one of my little ways to try to keep myself reminded that even though a thing in my life seems surreal, it does not make it so. Reality is often bizarre beyond compare. I wish internal matters would suddenly be coated in paint so they would be as easy to discern.

Or maybe not. Somethings can stay clear/invisible to me as far as I am concerned. Knowing too much is not always on top of my list of priorities. We are a segregated system and secrets and lies are things we are good at. It kept us flying under the radar for years and for awhile there, that was of the utmost importance to us. It is challenging when priorities change and things that once kept us moving forward now knock all ways except straight ahead.

It is not my belief that you did. I found your words to be relevant. I am a person who has been misdiagnosed with schizophrenia as a child. I have also been given the dx of psychosis nos. I disagree with it as my one psychotic episode was med induced. These things impact me as a person though. They add mud to the already murky puddle of my damn brain. It's hard enough for me to gauge what is reality and what is not reality. I don't need mental health professionals making it worse. The ones who have given me these diagnosis' never fully listened to me/us either. They listened to catch words they could glom onto and then they would tune out and hand me a script for things that medication would not fix.

Sorry if that sounded bitter and jaded. I know it is... I have a bone to pick with a few psych docs is all... I should probably work on that at some point.

I hope some of that made sense... or that I was not completely off base and roaming around somewhere in the outfield...

-V