The relationship between me and my brother, or whatever relationship I once thought existed, has collapsed since the death of our parents (and yet, incredibly, he still demands that I go through the motions of 'being an uncle' to his two young children, as the sole representative of his side of the family, while his wife still has both her parents and two brothers). Whatever, but I know that all that you have described must have been deeply painful for you. My survival strategy has been to expect and receive nothing from him, and to avoid contact that would hurt or trigger me. I don't know if this is practically possible or reasonable in your situation, but I think I know what you're going through and I know how much it hurts.