It is like sliding on black ice and every where I spin, I am facing a cliff edge or a solid wall. I can't keep myself from sliding around and spinning. when I heard, I went frozen cold all over like my blood turned to ice. Then I hit disbelief, then I hit anger. Then eventually when some of the shock burst, I cried. Then I went numb again and then I hurt like crazy. I can't stop trying to think myself through it, like 'work it out' but there is nothing to work out. I can't believe that one hours drive from me, my therapist, sorry EX therapist, is sitting at home knowing he has done this to me and knowing I will be like in a train wreck right now and he is ABLE to do this?!?!? To ME?!?!?! I thought he cared about me, I thought he loved me. I did. I really did. I thought I mattered to him deeply.