My kids, first and foremost. Then I don't think I could do that to my husband or my mother. More my kids, though. I've definitely had the thoughts that my husband and mother would both understand (because of the MI) and recover. I don't think my kids ever would, though - I don't think I could do something so permanently, devastatingly traumatic to them.

It is weird, though, what the BP brain will twist around when you're depressed. I routinely have the thought that my kids would be much better off without me when I'm in the depths of it. There must be some part of me that clings to the knowledge, however buried by the BP, that that isn't the truth.