It's agonizing... I know why I dissociated it all in the first place. It hurts like hell... had therapy today and it felt like I was searing my own skin off... t believes me even when I don't believe myself, but I wish she didn't. I wish she knew I was lying. I wish I was psychotic, because at least then there would be meds to obliterate the "knowledge"...
Why does it hurt so much to remember?
I miss SJ and her holding the trauma.... I wish I didn't know it (though not knowing it made me feel crazy because I had no idea where this was coming from)... I'm not sure what's worse: answers or psychosis...