I grew up in a household with alcoholic and moderately abusive parents. They weren't physically or verbally abusive to me, but they were toward each other. It was an emotionally neglectful childhood and very manipulative. I have since moved out (3 year ago) and have deal with severe ancxiety and depression because of it. I'm finally ins good place and don't have nearly as much mental/emotional struggle. 6months ago I started dated my coworker who was an active pot smoker. I hated it but I really liked him. I dealt with it because it was what made him comfortable with his anxiety and depression. Whwnever he did smoke around me id visibly get upset and start to have a kot of anxiety. I was anxious often necause he smoked often. It was the hardest part of the relationship. About 6+ weeks ago he had to quit smoking for employment reasons. It was quite a battle to get him to that point. He had several meltdowns and thought he'd end up homeless or hurt himself. He was self destructive and so angry st him parents and himself for putting him in this situation (him smoking in the first place and everyone he loves telling him to stop). I stood by him through it all, even though it was hard for me to. I even old him that I'd still stick with him if he refused to quit smoking, but I'd rather he did because I knew it was not helping him. Since then he has changed so much. He appears a lot more stable and he listens tonme when I try to calm him down. He is learning from his therapist and me and seems happier. The reason I'm writing this is because his best friends are flying in to see him. They are active party people and smokers. He told me he may party and smoke with them because they'll want to. I started feeling so anxious and shut down again. I don't know why I react that way and it !takes me feel horrible. I support him no matter what. He said he now sees marijuana as a social occasional recreational substance, and not a treatment for him mental health like he did only 6 weeks ago. He wants me to meet his friends and potentially hang out for a little bit but I really don't want to if they'll be drinking and smoking. I'd like to be left out of it because it causes that much anxiety. I will do it for him, but I don't want to meet them if it were my choice. He may not smoke when they come because he failed him drug test again. Which is understandable after smoking several times a day for 6 years straight. His employer was working with him on cleansing. He should be able to keep his job and try again (hopefully). But Im anxious that he'll smoke anyway. Ugh. I hate reacting this way I wish I could stop. I don't know what to do. I feel like such a prude and I know its because of the say I was raised.