I don't know if it's wrong to feel this way. My 2nd cousin was born when I was 8. His parents are married and he was born into a traditional family, while mine was anything but ideal. When he was a baby my mother would take my toys and "donate" them to him without permission. My cousin (his mother) always tells me what a bad and horrible child I was, while all anyone ever does with him is praise him. I was shy and introverted, I always have been-which is just not acceptable, in contrast to how he is social and extroverted so he just pleases everyone. When I was his age, I was criticized all the time for being myself while everything he does is just so great.

I was telling my cousin (his mother) that I wanted to take an IQ test (the actual ones) because I was wondering what my score would be and she said "Oh I'm sure you aren't above average, and even if you were, it doesn't mean anything." I know that IQ tests don't measure intelligence and you don't need a high score to be smart, but since I lack in every other area and I do love math, I was wondering if it might be MY special thing. Then she said how silly it was for me to want a piece of paper telling me I'm smart. Really, because if E won an award in track everyone would be going crazy with praise and displaying HIS award and talking about it nonstop everywhere.

See my interests (the internet, math, advocating for mental illness) get judged and shot down, while his (sports, movies, and socializing) are praised everywhere. I just always felt like I was never appreciated for who I was but he gets everything, not just from his parents, but from everyone in the family and people outside of the family. His parents even compare me to him and that age, and basically the difference is that he does the things they like and agree with and I don't. When I was that age I was always told what an annoyance I was, but I get glared at if I politely ask him to lower his voice because I have a headache. If I ever said something smart to an adult someone would let me know it was wrong. When he does it they laugh.

I love him very much and I feel guilty for having this resentment. It's not that he doesn't deserve these things-it's the question of why couldn't I have them too? When I was 5, 11, 15, it was never the same. And it's going to get harder watching him grow up and seeing the differences. Even worse, today I happened to be thinking about it when he said something to me and when I answered I was sort of snappy with him. I apologized and I feel bad about it. I know it's not his fault and I don't harbor anger towards him,just the rest of my family.