Hi there! This is mostly a venting post because I don't have therapy scheduled for over a week but any advice is appreciated:

So I went back to school (away from home) and of course got back into my usual abuse of substances. But this year I tried xanax which I LOVED, (I also tried cocaine but was cut off before that could become an addiction). Anyway, I started taking a bunch of xanax per day and I would drink with it at night and do other drugs so my friends got worried about me. Also apparently I was forgetting everything and wasn't acting like myself (I actually don't remember most of that time that I was on xanax because I was taking so much). Somehow word got to my sister and she told my parents I was using all these drugs and addicted to xanax.

Long story short I am now living at home (I basically had the choice between coming home every weekend or taking a semester off). I told my parents I would go to therapy and work all of this out, but the truth is, I'm just doing it to get them off my back. I am already deeply depressed living at home and don't know what is going to get me through the next couple of months without drugs. I have no motivation to get better as of now and living at home is just making me care about my life less. I feel like I will go crazy when I get back to school and like many addicts I feel ****** about myself and how I've hurt others but I don't know how to make myself care about my life enough not to quit.

I am currently working one job and am about to start another and am already struggling at the concept of getting through these without the relief of my drug abuse. I am on an antidepressant and it seemed to help for a bit but I feel that I am going back to all my old ways.

I also really don't know how I am going to make it through January or February living at home. Every day I am alone with my thoughts and I start to become aggressive and depressed and anxious and basically feel like I am going to flip a **** without the distraction of constant friends and drugs.

Anyway, just wanted to share. Thanks everyone. Feel free to share similar stories or whatever you want. Hope you all feel alright.