Anna,
It bugs me so much when family members get into a habit of freely putting us down, comparing us to other family members, sizing up our abilities.

You're 22 now and I understand how pain from the past can creep in. But, how much longer are you going to allow yourself to be subject to their hurtful ways? You need to do your best to move in your own direction and create a kind of life you want. One step at a time.

The best thing we can do for ourselves is to STOP looking to our abusive families for the support and guidance we want. They can't give it. It doesn't matter if they give it to another person and that you should've got it from them. They won't change.

Instead, we can do our best to fill your lives up with the things we like, with supportive people who encourage us to explore our interests.

At about 22, I made my exit from family and extended family who were abusive and dysfunctional so I could create my own life. After awhile I got used to having a peaceful homelife, not having someone put me down, I stuck with my friends and created my own family and my own traditions for the holidays. There were a few bumps in the road, it was hard to make ends meet on my own but eventually I made out just fine.
Best of all I had a peaceful and self directed way of getting back to where I need to be because my abusers were no longer there to hold me down and confuse my day to day existence.

It's time to work on it. You can do it. One step at a time.

Big hugs, Anna!

Sincerely,
Lele