I hear you. My parents never planned anything for their old age, other than downsizing to a bungalow, and it was always assumed I would care for them. And I am. It is hard. I don't envy you the choices. Just to say you MUST get support. I don't mean a T or meds (that helps) but carer support for you and whatever you can get for her, even if it's from charity. If you Google carer support for your state, you might find some organisations that are worth reaching out to. I realise America has health insurance unlike the U.K. But it is so important to LOOK AFTER YOURSELF too. ((Hugs))