you know what? excuse the language in this post and thank god for filters but parents %#@&#! suck. my mother is in the city for the night and said she didnt want to meet me because shes too tired. i ring her at 9.15pm to see if shes arrived and she tells me shes just checking in and sounds awful. i ask if shes ok and she says she ll ring back in 20 minutes. i tell her im walking past her hotel on my way home now and she says she ll ring in 20 minutes. i walk in the door at home (which is directly behind the hotel) and my father rings from my home town. wants to know where my mother is. wants to know if we ve met. if we re meeting. where am i. where was i. i tell him we re not. has he heard from mum? yes. she was in a pub. when she picked up the phone she told someone across from her 'not a word' and then refused to tell my father who she was with.
i refuse to think shes having another affair because she promised she wouldnt. i gather maybe shes meeting with one of her friends to talk about how to leave my father. which is great. except that it sucks. but what really hurts isnt her leaving him (maybe) or him putting me in the middle like that but she lied to me. why wouldnt she just say she was meeting someone? to me i mean. she had me so worried and upset i walked the whole way round the hotel to see if i could see her in the lobby or bar or see her car. i found the car in the second car park so i knew at least she hadnt had an accident driving up. she had me thinking someone was sick or hurt.
parents %#@&#! suck. i do not need this.
im anxious
jumpy
on the verge of tears
so depressed
exhausted
spacey
in pain
crushed
scared
ALONE