((( hug )))

My mind has been on your reply and have wanted to reply back, but was waiting until the words came.

You are loved! In no way do I want this to come across as me trying to "save" you or anything along those lines. That is not for me to do. I would like to share with you my experience.

I was raised in a home with an abusive, alcoholic father and a mother who "took" my brother and me to church every time the doors were open. My mother is a "Bible
Quoting Southern Baptist" and I feel like she was obediently doing her duty, to make sure she took her kids to church. I was a good girl and learned the rules of being a good church girl.

None of that made any sense to me with the chaos going on at home and the big pink elephant in the middle of the living room, that everybody silently walked around and pretended wasn't there. It was a form of horrible brainwashing, that I would grow up in the environment I did and think it was how it was supposed to be. A part of me knew it was so screwed up, but who was I to have an opinion or voice? That would surely be labeled as defiance.

That was then. That was when the coping mechanisms were created and my life seems like a blur, up until about 3 years ago. I was in a very emotionally strained point with my husband and really questioning how I was going to continue being the person I was. I was very distraught and numb at the same time. I went to bed that night and, in all honesty, asked God to help me. I could not keep going down the road I was.

I had a dream that night. I was standing beside a road, out in the middle of nowhere. It was very dark and I felt alone and scared, no idea where I was. I looked across the road and someone was walking toward me. He was beautiful! I could see that before he ever got close. I cannot describe the beauty that I saw. His eyes were a blue that I have never seen before and there was such compassion, peace, safety and love in them. I felt so safe! He had on jeans and a white button up shirt. Everything about him was peaceful and safe. He walked right up to me, and took my hand and kissed me. It was nothing about the kiss that was sexual or anything to do with that. I was pure love and peace.

He looked at me and smiled and walked me across the road, to the other side. That's when I woke up. There was still such a feeling of peace. I wanted to go back!!

Shortly after that, I started meeting with my counselor and sorting out all of the "mess" I grew up in and the choices I made down the road with my wounded mind and heart.

I wanted to share that with you Elevated Soul, to tell you that you ARE loved. I have never felt love and peace like I felt when he met me there.

Did it solve all my problems and make my world "rainbows and butterflies"? No. It did not. What it did was give me the courage and strength to go back and see truth where there were lies and ugliness. It also gives me courage that I am not alone and I am loved. When I feel that now with people in my life not wanting to hear me talk about what I'm working through, my mind goes back to the dream. It helps remind me that he is there. Step by step it's giving me beauty for ashes.

I pray the he meets you in your place, if that is a desire you find. I also hope it was ok to share this with you.

((( another hug )))