I don't know if I am going crazy or what have you. For months, I was vomiting from stress from a job that wasn't quite the right fit for me. I wasn't sleeping either during that time very well. When I lost the job, the vomiting stopped. But I have severe IBS which makes me wake up every morning at the crack of dawn. I have a gastro appt in the next week I have waited months for. I don't know if there is something seriously wrong with my digestive track and now I have been mentally compromised. I feel weak, annoyed with food, and the only crap I can eat is non hormone meats, rice, beans, fruits, veggies. This is quite fn expensive which is causing me loads of stress too.
Besides that, I have noticed for 4 years now I have a major problem completing any fn thing I start. I use to do creative things, and seriously I wouldl not stop moving during the day. I would clean, play vgames for just a bit, then find something creative, or go for a walk. Then one day, I became a hermit because of a job loss. I never left the apt. At first, when it happened I was okay but it hit me, What do I do for money? Then I used credit cards to get by and student loans. Terrible.
I graduated, and scored the last job I had but like I said I was puking over the stress. The people hated me and I knew it. I did not have their same interests but I tried to get along with them. They knew I wasn't from a middle class background though. I got terminated two months ago and cannot seem to cope with this. I have been on a downward spiral now. I cannot find a psychiatrist who does not take months to see. I have set up a PCP who is very good at communicating with me and is a sweetheart. She helped me get on Sertraline but I am struggling with side effects. I feel in a better mood, stable wise, but overall my sex drive is fn gone, appetite sucks, and I feel it has helped but there are drawbacks too.
My boyfriend doesn't want me on medication, and I havent openly told him I am on anything. I think he would cause me stress. For some reason my family thinks depression can be cured by picking up your bootstraps. I don't fn get this. My family went through all this at my age, and they seem to have forgotten how difficult this is. I do not feel like my mood can simply be lightened up by self talk. I feel this imbalance.
I also quit my birth control two months ago for the first time in 14 years. And I have noticed I went crazy afterwards but on it, my depression got soooo bad I was not well. Even worse maybe as far as stupid intrusive thoughts.
I am wondering if anyone else out there is being told depression can just be cured by self talk and it is all in their head? I feel the worst feeling in this situation is feeling like my family and support network is sort of blaming me for this messed up imbalance? I am having nightmares about my family never speaking to me again? My mother has not called me back in days now which is really seriously not like her. I feel forgotten and like a one girl army. It helps people are out there on here I can talk to. Thank you.