Helllo, I've been gone from this profile for 4 years. If you need some background, read my previous posts, but especially this and until my secondary account gets deleted this

I need help.

I'm a coward. Literally every hour that passes I change my mind from staying and leaving. Luckily for me the desire to leave is strong enough that I continue to make steps towards leaving (eg. I have a moderator intake appointment with a person who can write up my separation agreement on monday) but my fear of leaving is just as intense as my desire to leave.

I'm gonna do it. I was on the fence but finding this account and reading what I wrote when I was 17.. yeah. I'm 21 now, and I can't do this to myself anymore.

I have no real life support. My friends are friends with my partner, any attempt I've made to talk to them about these issues is LITERALLY ignored (it's as if I didn't even type it), my dad had been a witness to everything and doesn't give me any advice or talk about it so he's an enabler... I'm scared. I have two small children (3 yrs and nearly 2) and.. I'm scared to do this and make this step and face the unknown. I keep telling myself I'll never love anyone like him but I dont htink I love him currently so.. idk.