Breezy-Day, I confess I am getting irritated with him.
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When he's playing games with his friends, he doesn't let me join in or play, since he's worried that bringing in his girlfriend would make everyone uncomfortable.
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So it is okay to exclude you and make you sad, because he has a "worry" that your presence will make others uncomfortable. I can certainly see how insulting and hurtful that would be to you.
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@Bill: Yes, that's true. He talks with his friends usually every day.
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So a significant proportion of the time that he supposedly needs to be shut away from socializing with you so as to not get "tired and anxious" he is actually socializing with others, presumably without getting tired or anxious. I can certainly see how this, too, would be insulting and hurtful.
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It's just, how am I supposed to explain that to him?
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Breezy-Day, you do not need to explain. You do not need his permission. You do not need to convince him.
If you are going to wait for the day in which he says "Yes, you're right, I don't treat you well when I shut you out, as I often do, and when I hide everything from you, as I always do, and when I am not helpful around the house, which is often the case, or when I withhold sex from you, which I typically do. I agree, you should leave me."--you'll be waiting for the rest of your life, or until
he decides to leave
you.
You don't have to explain yourself to him to his satisfaction. You can simply
inform him that you have decided to leave--if/when you make that decision.
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He says that I'm not giving him a chance when I say I don't believe he'll change, when I bring up past behavior, and he gives examples of how he changed,
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Breezy-Day, you have given him oodles of chances to change. You are the queen of second chances!
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and treats me like I'm being a bad person for not thinking he's "good enough."
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This strikes me as akin to his crying: his words and actions have the effect of making you feel bad, guilty, sorry for him, etc., so that you won't leave or try to change the relationship. Didn't you say that you have been reading about co-dependency? What have you learned so far?
Instead of changing himself, he finds ways to make you feel bad so you will stop insisting on change.
My suggestion is to think, say, and do what is best for you. If he gets upset or calls you names or tries to guilt you, so be it--
stick to what is best for you.
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He gets really upset and sad when he thinks I'm telling him he's not good enough.
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As above: to me, this emotionality and guilt-tripping is his way of deflecting you from proceeding with what you may have decided is best for you.
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how am I supposed to explain that to him
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Here is a mantra for you:
I do not have to explain myself to him. Here is another one:
I can leave without his permission.