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TryingToCope said:
That it is something I should be over by now.

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I feel this way a lot lately. The self doubt that... it wasn't so bad... at lot of people have endured a lot worse...Let I go of it already, kids do mean stuff to each other and manipulate younger kids all the time...It was just normal child's play.... I AM NOT A VICTIM!..... I allowed myself to be preyed on....boys will be boys.....

The list of doubts and denial goes on and on. I think the reason why it keeps coming up is because we haven't accepted that regardless of what we tell ourselves, regardless of what others say we should think or feel, and regardless of how severe or mild the actual act(s) were...It was abuse to us and it has profoundly affected our attitudes and beliefs about the world, physical intimacy, and people in general.

My T asked me in the last session if I thought I had a normal sexual development after my abuse exposure. Of course I said... Yes, I was normal... I had boyfriends... bah..bah..bah. After the session I reviewed that question in my head and I exploded in anger ...How the F*@& do I know if I had a "normal" sexual development? I have no idea what normal is or should be? An exposure like this kind of kills the idea that sex and physical intimacy is something that is share between two people who love and care deeply about each other.

I guess after 30+ years I can say,, I guess I'm not over it yet.