you will get through this, stay strong and try to hold on to the reality of the reason he is an X. I know for me I had to try to re access the anger and hurt mine had caused. its easy to start remembering good moments and downplay the bad...be aware and try to stay in the here and now. do you have family and friends to connect with when you want to talk about something? We are here for you too, feel free to PM me if you'd like.