I know that many, if not most, of you on this forum can understand what I'm posting. I'm an adult, but I feel like a kid...and I hate it. Attachment to my T couldn't get much stronger. T goes out of town for one appointment and I become so angry (or feel so abandoned) that all signs of being an adult are gone. T needs time away, too; maybe a conference to stay licensed, seeing family, etc. - all of those things that we understand when our medical docs are away.

I do try to talk about it (THE attachment) in therapy, but it's difficult for me to always know what I'm feeling, so I end up leaving the appt. just . feeling. When I have a chance to talk about T's upcoming absence, I feel like that kid in every grocery store who's just on the verge of the biggest temper tantrum of his life. That'll show everyone! But I'm an adult. I have options. Don't go to the appt. before T's absence (but what if something happens to T and I didn't get that last hour?), sit quietly and passively refuse to scream at T, "you won't come back - you don't know what I feel - it's so f*****g unfair that you have a life," or artfully divert any reference to T's upcoming absence by making some vague attempt at telling T how irritated you felt the night before when your SO/mother/father/brother/sister turned the TV up so loud that you couldn't hear yourself think (this can take an entire hour if done correctly).

My apologies. I guess I needed to vent. My thought was to drive pins under T's fingernails and quietly close the door when I leave. That appt. before T's absence is looming. I'm sure I'll act the adult part and feel like a kid, again, later...I hate it.