Hey Unhappydaze,
I'm sorry to hear you are still struggling so much, mixed with pleasure to see you post again. I only wish life wasn't such an agonising struggle for you.

You were so kind to me when I was saying many of the thoughts you have expressed here, especially the despair at realising that "this is the new normal".

I have had a couple of months feeling more of a purpose to life (even if it's less painful). I have been able to support someone (much younger than me) through some difficult times which I could never have done without the life experience and issues I have.
I had felt I was at the end of the line and no use to anyone or the world at large.

This doesn't take the pain away for me but if I can feel I have helped one person it helps me feel it is a little more worth living the darkness.

I'm not saying you will do the same, but something may or may not crop up which helps you feel you have something to offer. (I hope it does).

You have helped me Unhappydaze and For that I am grateful.

This isn't as active as the main depression forum, so every response here is probably worth two or three elsewhere.

I respect you for hanging on for the sake of those around you. It shows a strong and caring nature.

I really hope that some of those thoughts and temptations and the terrible feelings that go with them will at least go more into the back of your mind (rather than the front where they are so much now) so you can feel less exhausted and a little stronger.