Sometimes the best place to be is in bed hiding. You can't fight the good fight every day. Sometimes it is okay to hide away from it all. But try to go to therapy tomorrow if you can as it may help you to speak about just as you have on here. Trying to have a good day is a positive step, but just because it didn't turn out as you'd expect doesn't mean it is all bad. Having said thar, I genuinely understand how you feel though as I've been in a similar position to what you describe many times over the years.
It's bloody painful!

The point in posting this is that you reached out to people and we reached back. We see you and you are worthwhile.