Well it was bound to happen eventually. T and I did not see eye to eye tonight. First I talked about my recent bad decision and how I am worrying about the long term consequence. He seemed to jump right on that and then added to my worry. He doesn't have to tell me about consequences.

I know all about them. I am the one affected not him. So much for empathy and understanding...he even asked me if drinking was involved in the incident...guess he's implying I am an alcoholic now. Imagine his surprise when I said quite frankly 'no' not one drink...I was fully aware of my bad decision. This didn't help and it just put me on the defensive.

Then we got into my other pressing issue and it involved parenting and discipline issues.

Long story short my husband spanked our son but won't admit it. I saw the red mark and our son said daddy did it. I don't like spanking as a discipline method, I've been on the receiving end of repeated violence growing up and I just don't think it builds anything. I think it destroys self esteem and is really about the parent being angry.

T didn't seem to focus on that instead he thought it was 'interesting' that my son once over-idealized daddy and now says daddy is bad...this really set me off and I didn't realize why until the drive home.

T has told me that I over-idealize and then devalue people and I know I do this. I guess I got defensive because I don't want to start hearing my son has bad personality traits...he does not.

I should've said to T "if I put you up on that ledge then I have the right to knock you down"...hee hee. You know like that Bill Cosby comedy when he talked about how his mother would say "I brought you into this and world and I'll take you out if I want to".

I did agree I was jealous that my son was so attached to our husband in the beginning but I have not encouraged otherwise...believe me my son still loves his daddy and he should. My son used to push me away and I did that to my dad growing up and he still brings this up today. It's like he still holds it against me so yes it bothered me that my son was doing this to me.

I just responded to my son and his being upset over daddy hitting him. My husband denies this of course which made it worse. I mean there is a red mark and our son did pee in our bed so I can see why he was mad but why lie about this and if he'll lie about something like this then what else will he lie about?

I could've handled the situation better and I didn't but I refuse to ignore my son's claims or make him feel invalidated. He won't learn to trust his instincts that way.

Then it comes out that I am just like T's sister...and he wasn't paying me a compliment because she did the same thing to him once about her kids and in front of the kids.

I just said well all you are seeing is her right now.

I'm having the worst time in my life right now. Everything is falling apart and this time, T made it worse.

I'm sure he thinks I devalued him tonight...whatever. I'm not going to agree with him because I like him as a person. He didn't go through what I did growing up and he doesn't have kids.

He said his sister always says that too...so I said oh good, I'll hang out with her then

I think his issue is her and he put it on me...I don't need this right now.

Oh then it got even better. I went out to the desk to make some future appointments and his assistant says "every other week?" he knows I've been coming weekly.

I should've said okay how about monthly...I'm thinking therapy is almost over. Normally I would've cried a little bit at the thought of T and I disagreeing but I don't care anymore.

He wants to push my buttons so why should I get upset?? I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction...

Am I being harsh? Aren't I allowed to feel this way once inawhile without it being labeled as devaluing? He didn't say that tonight but I'll bet he wanted to...