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Old Sep 22, 2016, 05:49 PM
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purplemystery purplemystery is offline
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My boyfriend is an engineer and I'm studying to be a social worker. So as you may expect, we have some differences in perspective on how we see the world, and it bothers me a bit. I'm a very caring and compassionate person and want to devote my life to helping others. I'm passionate about issues of gender equality, homelessness, poverty, racism, etc. My boyfriend is very interested in money because he wants to retire early, but I see my career as a significant part of my life. Maybe that's somewhat naive of me. He thinks that some people in poverty want to rely on welfare instead of getting a job or they take advantage of the system. He thinks the minimum wage shouldn't be raised, he's a little frustrated that women don't always recognize some injustices against men in society, and he has some conservative political views (though some liberal views too). He thinks that people can get anywhere if they put in the effort. Basically, in general I feel like he jumps toward judging people and I jump toward compassion. In his view, he holds people accountable for things. His personality is very analytic and logical, and he admits he's not very empathetic with people. I like to see how people got to be the way they are, and I think most people are good. I'm more emotional.

That said, he is a very good person though. He treats me extremely well and is genuinely one of the best listeners I've ever met. He supports my career and is always so open to hearing my point of view. Some of the things I've said have changed his viewpoints a bit. He is also nice to everyone too, and likes how much I care about helping others. I'm so happy with him otherwise, I love so much about him, and I feel so comfortable with him. I think there's a very good possibility I will marry him.

But recently I've moved in with him, which has made me think even harder about marriage. Maybe I want someone that has the value of devoting their life to helping others. Since I started school again, I've been learning a lot of things that have made me filled with anger about injustices in the world. It's overwhelming to hear all of that constantly. And I've learned things that support the liberal point of view and contradict some "factual" things he has told me. It bothers me somewhat that we have some different views, and I want to make sure that I'm with the right person. Most of me thinks I am, but I wish I could share that passion with him. In class I hear my boyfriend's viewpoints and (sometimes) how they contradict the profession.

Do you think we're too different, or that this is not much of an issue? Maybe he could help me be more grounded, and I could help him understand others. But I also don't want to try to change him. Should I talk to him about these feelings? Maybe I have some misconceptions about how he feels about people. How would I go about talking to him? I really don't want to hurt him because he is truly an amazing boyfriend.