^ I wish you guys wouldn't be so nice.

My mom knows about my SI, my depression, and much of what's wrong with me. She alternates between saying I need to get out, and that I need psych help. She's on one of her tirades again threatening me with legal action for not helping around the house, and for allegedly destroying it. She tells her psychiatrist about me and he hates me, says I should be kicked to the curb, who cares if I live or die. Her lawyer says the same thing.

She's forbidden me from cooking in the house, says I'm only allowed to eat fast food from now on. If I try to cook, she says I'll go to jail. I'm not sure whether she's serious this time

You can probably tell we don't always get along that great. I know I should move out, but between paying her and my own terrible spending habits, and that I'm losing my job in about three weeks, I don't have much choice but to pitch in more and put up with it here until then.

Back on topic, I know my thinking can get distorted. I sometimes feel this weird dissociation from my thoughts, where I can fully realize when they're "crazy" but see nothing I can do about it and don't want to do anything about it.

I'm just kind of 'living' right now.