I had my first talk (since Aug) with my old therapist this week. I told her about starting back cutting.. She kept asking me why I am so against myself. I have no idea. I toldher that I haven't been living lately. Just existing. Just hurting.. (I didnt say that tho). I am really fighting myself. I told her that i didnt really think it would even be good to talk about the cutting til I had decided for sure that I wanted to give it up. Sad.. It feels like my friend.ITs there when im all alone and i can get out all the frustration i feel inside.

So things are pretty much falling to pieces for me . This is just one of my three issues. She also thinks I've been dissociating allot. Its really hard for me to look up and see hope.. I just feel like I can't quiet the anger I feel inside myself against myself