Thank you for posting this thread! I feel and understand all you are saying.

I've questioned myself, why would God let this happen? Where was he?

He has shown me, in working with my counselor, that He was there. I know - what?

I've come to understand the sovereignty of Him. He gives us all free will. Free will to choose right and not wrong. Right? Then my question was, "why me?" I haven't gotten an answer for that. I just hold on to his sovereignty. He knows everything that our lives involve, that we don't. Pieces that fit together to make something we don't understand in the moment.

I'm in the midst of putting all these pieces together myself right now. It's a rollercoaster ride of trusting Him one minute and the next wanting to yell at Him "why!!?" No answer, but there have been moments of peace and Him there, in those times I didn't understand.

I've gone back, with my counselor, to those times that are frozen moments. I've visualized everything I can remember about them. When I go back now, I can see him there. He's standing there and I can "feel" him there. In my heart, he has tears for me and for the one what has wounded me. That has given me healing and peace in those moments.

To me, it's a work of perseverance and faith to know he was there his heart was broken for me and for them.

I hope that wasn't too much to share on such a personal issue. I thought much about it before putting it out here. It just felt like something that would give you courage, hope and strength.

I pray that it gives you courage to go forward and look for him in those moments, and strength to keep pressing forward!

Look for Him.