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sunrise said:
almedafan, I'm sorry your session was so trying.
I hear a lot of pain in your words.
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You are right, I am definitely in pain...
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sunrise said:
I think the spanking and your husband lying about it is serious stuff. I am amazed a family therapist would not have a better response.
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I was surprised too. I had told him about a previous incident and what I thought was a pattern, he ignored me on that though. He asked me if I thought my son was in an unsafe situation...well I told him, I don't know. I'm not going to ignore signs though.
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sunrise said:
I'm so sorry. When my T discovered some of the physical abuse going on in our family, he was very no nonsense about it and really made me sit up and take it very, very seriously. I am also seeing a therapist who is a child specialist right now, and she too takes it very seriously when parents use physical force against their children. I think your T missed the boat on this one.
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He either missed it or just couldn't see beyond his own issue with his sister. I understand the trigger affect, it happens to me all the time so maybe he made a mistake.
I don't understand this. Your T felt you were over-idealizing and then devaluing him because of how he does not think the spanking is serious? Your son is very young. None of this is the child's fault.
It's too bad you can't talk about this very serious issue with your T without your own T-client dynamics getting in the way. I think your T should be able to set them aside for a serious situation like this. He needs to show some leadership.
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I said that to T Sunny. I'm just trying to talk this out. Trust me I won't go there again.
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I could've handled the situation better and I didn't but I refuse to ignore my son's claims or make him feel invalidated.
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Nothing you've written makes me think you didn't handle the situation well. Why do you think that?
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Well I questioned my husband in front of my son and T said this is going against him. I didn't know any other way to determine if my 2.5 yr old is right about this.
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Then it comes out that I am just like T's sister...and he wasn't paying me a compliment because she did the same thing to him once about her kids and in front of the kids.
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Not sure I understand. You mean one time your T's sister told him that her husband was spanking their child and he ignored the seriousness of this revelation? And he looks down on his sister for this? In any case, I don't think he should be comparing you to family members he doesn't like.
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Apparently this is her dynamic according to T...and it might be who knows...
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I'm sure he thinks I devalued him tonight...whatever. I'm not going to agree with him because I like him as a person.
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You are showing you are differentiated from him by sticking to your morals and what you know to be right. He should be able to handle that you didn't agree with him.
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I know that there was a mark there and that my husband did it. He lied about it too. All I can do now is just keep an eye out. I know what I saw and heard my son say. T did acknowledge that he thought my husband did hit him and didn't want to admit it.
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He wants to push my buttons so why should I get upset??
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Why does he want to push your buttons? Because you remind him of your sister? Because he wants to make you angry? What is going on with you two? Is it therapeutic?
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I don't know Sunny, we were not connected at all tonight. Maybe he is frustrated with me. I'm sure he thought it was therapeutic. I just felt like it was insensitive.
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Aren't I allowed to feel this way once inawhile without it being labeled as devaluing?
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I'm not sure I understand the devaluing? Are you saying that instead of accepting that you and he do not agree on everything, he tells you that you are devaluing him? I don't always agree with people but no one has ever told me it is because I am devaluing them. I am puzzled by this! Do you understand what he means? Do you think he is the sort of person who can't tolerate disagreement from anyone? Seems like this would not be a good trait in a therapist!
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Well we've talked about valuing/devaluing so now I just assume any time I disagree with him he feels this about me. Maybe I'm wrong who knows. I can't always gauge what he means...I did ask for clarification a few times and it was clear I wasn't happy, he wasn't happy either so I guess we need to go back to our corners and try again.
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I went out to the desk to make some future appointments and his assistant says "every other week?" he knows I've been coming weekly.
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Do you think this implies your T has been talking about you with his assistant and told him to say this? Breach of confidentiality? Did you make another appointment for next week?
((((Hugs))))
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Yes, I'm sure that wasn't an accident. He's never done that before...I'm not mad at his assistant I'm mad at T. I guess he is using him to do his dirty work.
If I ask him he'll just say no I'm wrong so there is no point in asking. I have never felt so bad about our relationship. I wanted to work tonight and all I have done is obsessed about this.
I just need to go to bed, thanks Sunny for being here for me. I do appreciate it.