Well I capitulated and apologised for bringing up the way I feel about him again. I said I wouldn't mention it again. I can only talk about it here. No one understands. He doesn't know what I see in him. I was talking to one friend about it last night, she knows of him and knows he gets down and whatever he says I feel I should support him. If he genuinely thinks I forced myself on him, he has a very bad memory. It shows how little it meant to him.

I have told him to unfriend me if he wants and I have unfollowed him. He hasn't unfriended me but there will be less contact now which is good. Maybe slowly withdrawing is better than cold turkey. I think I would struggle with never hearing from him again. I know he'll never meet up with me again and a purely online relationship isn't enough for me so I have to try to get over it and reduce contact slowly. Maybe I can be free of these emotions one day.