Hello defyinggravity65: Well... the Skeezyks doesn't really have a lot to offer with regard to this. But I saw that no one had replied to your post. So I thought I would.

I'm afraid my personal opinion here is that trying to diagnose yourself is a can of worms best left unopened. And getting the personal opinions of others is another maybe even bigger can of worms. Mental health diagnosis is a job for professionals... best left to the professionals. And the reality is that even they, as often as not, can't agree. And then to make matters even more complicated, mental health diagnoses can-&-do change over time.

I know you wrote that you can't see a therapist for financial reasons. That is most unfortunate. I take it there are no mental health services available where you live that are geared toward people who lack the financial means to pay for them.

Unfortunately I don't know as I have any great suggestions to offer as far as how to overcome the feelings you're struggling with. The one thing that occurs to me is that California therapist Kati Morton, who uploads mental health related videos onto YouTube, has some workbooks available that she has developed. As I recall there is one targeted toward OCD.

If you're not familiar with Kati's YouTube videos, you might check them out, as well as possibly taking a look at her workbooks. I do know Kati has at least a couple of videos on OCD as well as many on other mental health topics. She's also on a variety of other social media besides YouTube. I'm personally very impressed by Kati's work & recommend her often.