Myst: For all I know, the whole "if you try to cook I'll have you arrested" deal is just another empty threat, another angry ramble. It wouldn't be the first time, and it's certainly not the first time my mother's gone on about having me removed or put into care or something of that nature.

My living situation, I've realized, is not a real problem. I'm an adult and I should have moved out four or five years ago. Everyone - from the internet to my mom's lawyer and psychiatrist, stand by "my house, my rules" - if she wants to forbid me from cooking, not let me leave the house, dictate what I can and can't wear, she can, and I have no rights because I'm a "squatter". To me it's absurd, partly because of my age and that, although my mother claims I live for free, I actually pay around $250 a month (according to her, no judge would accept that as "valid" rent, and her psych calls that paltry amount "responsibility money" that I should pay out of my own conscience).

Also, it's one thing for a landlord to set rules like "no pets" or "no smoking". But can you imagine a landlord dictating what their tenants could eat, watch, practice, when they could leave the building...? It's ridiculous and frustrating.

In other words, I have no rights, I'm a failure at life, and I deserve to be here. There's nothing I can do but leave when I can, or else be thrown out.

I tried to live alone for about a year, and if anything I got worse.

My mother hates me. I think. She's been really batting between love and hate lately. It's kind of weird, though I'm used to it by now.