You are who you are regardless what your parents do or don't do - or understand or fail to understand. Your inner experience is not something they can understand; none of us can comprehend what it is like to be in the skin of another; not even parents in relation to their children. Some of them speak and behave as though they know what's going on in their childrens' heads, but that's an illusion, at least beyond the age of five or six.

FWIW, I write this speaking as a parent of three adult children. You are yourself, and no one else can ever know what's going on inside you. Having said that, try to imagine that you had children of your own, and how you would feel if they were in such pain as you're experiencing. Would your own reactions be always the best possible? If not - if you erred in a given circumstance - would it mean that you cared for your kid any less? That you didn't love them more than life itself?