RideOrDie, when I read this, "I wanted to break apart from this back and forth. I tried separating myself more and more but I still kept leaning to her for support and love" I could feel your conflict.

I think now you have done something that has succeeded in breaking the conflict and I would try embracing that. I know the pain is horrible but there does not seem to be any hope of getting back together, especially with the physical distance still between you; it's not like you can accidentally run into your love, and the two of you immediately go off together and talk/fix what is severed.

I have had the pain; my first love broke off with me and didn't want to see me anymore and it took me 3-4 months and a new relationship to feel better. I started a new job and even that didn't help much. You must go out with other friends, be with other people and not so much alone with just the booze and your tears. That's the wrong "direction". Did you care at all about the woman you slept with? Can you see her again and, not start a relationship with her necessarily, but just take her out and talk with her and get to know her as another person and friend for a bit? Find people to talk to, not necessarily about your lost love, but about life and what they are doing, etc. The more you can look forward the faster the pain will move toward the rear.