Quote:
Originally Posted by defyinggravity65
Thank you so much. I honestly appreciate that a lot. You made a good point about the OCD, and I am a major hypochondriac about different physical and psychological conditions. I do definitely think I am pretty narcissistic deep down, but my OCD definitely makes it worse because it makes me feel like I am ONLY narcissistic. For example, when I read various attributes of covert narcissism, I feel as though I can say "yes, I can relate to that" to every single thing, but all the times I did not exhibit those behaviors are forgotten in the midst of a bad OCD cycle.
OCD definitely does not help this process, because now I'm even worrying that posting on here is just all a ploy for attention and I feel evil deep down.
But alot of covert narcissism rings true for me in my heart of hearts, OCD aside, and I agree that it would be good to raise my self-esteem. But I don't want to over inflate my ego even more.
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The question is not only "do I exhibit these symptoms?" but "what are the causes of these symptoms?" Once you find the reason for your flaws, you can tailor a way to eradicate them. I still believe it is likely they are caused by low self-esteem, so my suggestion that you raise your self-esteem still stands. I don't think you have any need to worry over "inflating your ego". Your extremely self-criticizing nature will see to it that doesn't happen. Remember: High self-esteem and a huge ego are two different things. Raising your self-esteem wouldn't mean getting to the point where you never have any doubts in your abilities, rather, it would mean you have the courage to move forward despite your doubts. High self-esteem is a difficult goal, however, so how about we aim for "higher-than-its-current-point esteem"?
On a personal note, one which I hope will serve as a point of relation, I have experienced that nagging, doubting voice. "You don't really have any troubles. You're just looking for an excuse to be lazy and dreadful. You just want attention-why are you such an attention *****? Stop making excuses. Everyone knows you're a liar-did you notice the look on his/her face when you tried telling him/her your feelings? (S)he looked completely fed up because (s)he knows you're a liar and you do too!"
Makes it rather difficult to communicate your "issues", which I'm sure you can relate to. I must ask you preemptively not to regret writing this post-if you are anything like myself, you will later see it as a pathetic cry for attention. It's not. It takes a lot of strength to be able to admit what your problems are and then share it with people, anonymous though we may be.
This was a lot of rambling nothing, wasn't it?