Ever since June, my motivation to do things has been very sporadic, esp. where it concerns working.

I can't seem to stick with anything and make it work. I don't know if my BPD is getting out of hand or what it is. Since June I have held 3 different jobs. It's not that they don't interest me, it's just after awhile I have to force myself to get up and go.

I have no energy at all. I know my depression and anxiety levels have increased greatly. My meds have been upped and kicked in. This frame of mind is simply aggravating my condition, yet I can't seem to change it.

I go job hunting like crazy.......get interviews......get job. All excited, do well, and then blam! I can't stand it anymore and have no desire to even get dressed and go, so I end up quitting.

I can't calm the sounds in my mind enough to sleep until days have gone by - and then it's a matter of simply crashing and sleeping straight through. Then it starts all over again. Trazadone is coming next month (insurance kicks in then) and maybe that will help with that problem.

I'm more worried about my state of mind. I feel like a tightrope walker over this black pit. The problem is I'm not trying that hard to stay on the wire.

Maybe I'm missing something. I know I need my hospital respite time, badly. Any thoughts to help me work through this?

Thanks for reading my mumblings.