Oh, silenthill, I'm so sorry you don't have anyone to share/work on this with. That's how much we lent my friend too but I told my husband and got his help and support with it. I was only working part-time and I went to work full-time because I wanted to help this friend so badly. My friend set up so we were sent a check automatically from her paycheck, etc. She eventually lost the house anyway (she insisted on keeping her children in their private school and couldn't afford that) but she kept paying and changed jobs and kept paying. She even borrowed more for her daughter's wedding. She's doing well now and we're still good friends and we even moved close to where they live so the four of us go out to dinner occasionally, etc.

I still would get someone to talk to about this; a lawyer? or a women's shelter to let them know your fear of your husband's displeasure. You need to solve that for yourself so it isn't an issue with your therapist, muddying the water. Do you work at all?