thanks skeezyks

well... i have been talking a little bit with the therapist about guilt and shame.. she says its because i have needs that have never been met.. so i made myself not need the things i need or something... but i need, and cant need or something..

shame does complicate things... and im very self conscious of the happenings with me currently..
i feel ashamed because im supposed to be this awesome guy that people love to be around.. but im not.. i dunno how it keeps happening, people are seeing me a way that im not and they are going to grow to expect it and i cant be that way you know... i dunno how to, so i guess its about rejection... about acceptance... people thinking im someone else... next time they see me they are going to think i have major problems because im probably not going to be ok.. and i just dont want to be judged anymore..
its hard enough trying to cope without the eyes of a thousand random people staring down at you...
maybe i just dont want anyone to see that i am wounded... but i cant control it...
i guess i just have a lot of pain... just dunno why it goes away and i just become...

i guess i just want to be accepted and im all broken into pieces and feel like people dont accept me because who wants a broken lamp..

guess im just really stressed out.. i appreciate your words