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> It is the first time in my life where I want to give up.
You might try "giving up" whatever you have been trying to keep your self afloat. Let the world (we are part of it) keep you afloat for a while. I know it sounds counter-intuitive. Maybe try it anyway?
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Now if thou would'st
When all have given him o'er
From death to life
Thou might'st him yet recover
-- Michael Drayton 1562 - 1631
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