Thanks for the hug Peanut. I have been thru heck, I am not fully back yet but I am still here. That was my point to Mary Alice. You can survive the depths of hell when there is nothing and no one goo din your life. It took one person to make me feel like I was worth something but I had to listen to her. I had to trust her a little. One person cared about me and showed me that there was a way. About the same time I began coming here. That helped alot. I felt worth something. I had people to talk to that cared about me and wanted to talk to me. That meant alot.
I am worried about Mary Alice. I know what it feels like. It's horrible and words cannot explain. I cried every day for my first year here. Hard cry like someone I loved died. Then the second year I basically felt nothing. Maybe anger but that was pretty controllable too.
Now I let myself feel sometimes. It's hard and it's just for little bits so I can deal with an issue and when it's behind me I try not to feel for awhile again so it doesn't get overwhelming.
Of course by not allowing myself to feel I miss out on things. I am very much " a people person" and emotional. To not feel is not me and to not want to interact with people is not me. What my husband did was shameful at best. He knows that and he is sorry but nothing can ever make up for it. Not for what I have lost. In a way I feel it is my own fault because I couldn't gotten out in those first few months but I was scared and so confused I was in a spin. After that I didn't have a chance to get out. I have never stopped trying to find a way. I look at what has happened and I realize the power a person can have over someone. I was so different before and I know that I will never be the same. I can only accept that this has happened and I can choose to move on from here. I can only do my best.
I am hoping so much today that Mary Alice gets away from that jerk. I think she will feel immediate relief. I know it won't be easy for her but if she uses the courage she has to end her life and instead uses it to go to that crisis shelter then I know things will look so much better for her.
Heidu

Every path to a new understanding begins in confusion- Mason Cooley