To be honest, its more based around the most basic aspects of daily life. I can’t keep track of my bills, or I can’t manage my finances (most notably never having enough for what I need), feeling completely imcompetant in my courses since I’m struggling while everyone else is thriving. Feeling unlovable because I’ve never had someone love me, or ask me out, or even have a basic interest in me, with the one exception being some old hag of a coworker that got close to me as a friend over a year, to try and sexually abuse me as a minor at the time (that’s the only type of person who’s ever considered me worth their time)…

These are things that any basic adult should know, but in actuality I’m completely worthless and incompetent, and anytime anything comes around to give me that little bit of hope to keep going it just gets thrown down in front of me, and I get reminded of just how much I’m just damaged goods, incompetent, or hopeless. I don’t know why I haven’t died yet, and managed to live this long…

To be fair, most of the time my friends can’t help with all the things I struggle with (literally they are either out of communication, or just away). Also being ignored constantly, or people seeming to give a “God, shut up” look whenever I talk, and excluding me from the conversation usually, doesn’t help me feel like anyone really cares.

That’s also the problem though. I don’t see how my claims aren’t true. What causes them to happen is those things actually happening (or not happening in certain cases). Its not like, hypothetically, I’m not studying or trying on an assignment, getting an 80, and saying “oh, I’m so dumb”, but more like I’m studying as much as possible, trying as hard as possible, and even seeking out a tutor, and failing continually.

I hope that makes sense, but really it does seem that everything my inner critic tells me is backed up by evidence, and so I feel that they can’t but be true. Doesn't help that they're all around basic parts of daily life, and also about things I actually do want (like to be loved for once...).