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pachyderm said:
More thoughts on confusion: suppose we think we identify where our T has said or done something related more to his/her issues than to ours. What do we do then? Do we think we can cope with discovering that (assuming it is real), or not? What if the T does this sort of thing frequently? Is it dangerous to us or not? To me it certainly feels dangerous most of the time -- I know why that should be, considering my personal history. Can I deal with it now? Do I really want this new "learning opportunity"?

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I have thought that maybe last night was about what you just posted. I'm not clear though because when I asked him for some clarification is invalidated it. It may have been my defensiveness but I felt like he was suggesting that I am encouraging my sons devaluing of my husband lately. This hit a nerve because of my value/devalue issues at times. I say at times because if I disagree with someone's point of view, does that count as devaluing?

I'm assuming he was trying to indicate that I have no earthly idea for sure