Add to the breakup & the grief that you go through from that, sort of blows the theory that one is born that way & can't change & that it's not a choice that people make.

When our belief system is messed with on top of feeling the grief that is normal from a breakup where there has been a close emotional connection, it just seems to magnify the pain.

I'm sorry you are going through this pain. I think the suggestion of no contact is important because keeping contact alive only continues the pain. Sometimes the only closure we have is walking away from something that didn't work.

Though my experience was in a 33 year bad marriage, I know for me that walking away was the only thing I could do to keep my own sanity. The closure I got came from finally understanding what made the marriage bad which happened on my own completely away from him.

Life with relationships is always a challenge any time we open ourselves up to be vulnerable to another person there is always the chance for hurt. Sometimes all we can hold onto are the good memories & then continue on with our own life after we have successfully gone through the grief process & learned what we can from the relationship we had.